Energy Ombudsman Valentine

Energy Ombudsman Valentine

Last week I was approached by the lovely people at the Poetry Society in London.

They, in turn, had been contacted by the Energy Ombudsman, a body which keeps a check on the practices of the various Energy Suppliers in this country, to compose a St. Valentine's Day poem, and had commissioned the following rhyme by Matt Harvey.

The poem is about the end of the affair we all seem to experience once the honeymoon period with a new energy supplier is over. My job was to create an image to accompany the text, and I came up with this idea of Cupid caught haplessly and hopelessly in the cables of an electricity pylon.

It’s not me, it’s you
by Matt Harvey

I admit that it appalled me
that day you first cold-called me

but you charmed me, won me over
told me I would be in clover

and I succumbed to your advances
thought: what the heck, I’ll take my chances

I told the Doubting Thomases
that you would keep your promises

you’d said that you would care for me
that you’d always be there for me

oh how very wrong of me
I should have thought more carefully

all that warmth and bonhomie
now seems like such hot air to me

for when I called to clarify
the startlingly high tariff I

was on, you proved elusive
and remarkably reclusive
for one so formerly effusive

in breach of all known etiquette
you started playing hard-to-get

left me feeling so much smaller
as if I’m the nuisance caller

with designs on your affection
which is vexing and perplexing

I don’t think it would hurt to see
a bit of old world courtesy

so I’m parting from your company
who’s dumping who? You’re dumping me

constructively dismissing me
I trust you’ll soon be missing me

and then you’ll once again change tack
predictably you’ll call me back

and find you’re waiting in a queue
to hear, when you at last get through

Goodbye. It isn’t me. It’s you.