Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Twitter Ye Not - Kellogg's Corn-flakes

Twitter Ye Not - Kellogg's Corn-flakes

A regular piece for the Daily Mail Weekend magazine about how figures in history might have twittered or tweeted or whatever, had they the chance, inclination and technology.

On the 18th February 1906, Will Keith Kellogg founded the Battle Creek Toasted Flake Company to market his revolutionary toasted cereal. In time, he would be credited with changing the way the world ate breakfast. Here, we imagine the reaction on Twitter to Kellogg's strange new flakes.

I have shown up-tight inventor W.K.Kellogg on one side, clutching a box of his famous cereal, with bags of corn or maize around him as business takes off. Kellogg and his physician brother John Harvey were devout Seventh Day Adventists and believed that a vegetarian diet, high in cereals, would lead to purer thoughts and less lust and in particular the sin of masturbation.

Across from him stands founder of the british Labour Party, scotsman Keir Hardie, defensively clutching his bowl of piping hot porridge (or porrage). Behind him a big sack of oats.

Between the two men the battlefield of the breakfast table, where Battle Creek's bland flakes took the upper hand.

Despite the Kellogg brothers great efforts to stamp out Onanism (at their sanitorium they would circumcise men, apply endless enemas and apply pure carbolic acid to the clitorises of female patients to deter sexual arousal) both men appear to have spilt seed all over the ground...

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